Im tired of saying "Goodbye"

Last Sunday morning when we were getting ready for church I had a feeling of intense sorrow hit me like a tidal wave. I urged John to call home to Minnesota only to find that his mother had just passed away. I was crushed. It was overwhelming.

During Sunday school, we found out that the viewing was Tuesday, the service was Wednesday...... I had a meltdown. God provided (as he always does) a way home.

Monday morning we caught a plane to Minnesota and spent the next several days in a whirlwind of family duties. Several hundred people attended the service! What a life my mother-in-law had. What a beautiful, wonderful, faithful life she had. She wasn't perfect but she was very loved and very blessed and will be missed terribly.

I believe that God is always in control and works all things out according to His will and His perfect plan. I trust Him.

Having said that............ I must add that I am weary. I dont want to say goodbye to anyone else that I love for a while. Its childish I know, but thats me. Im simple and sometimes very childish. I know that I'll soon have to say goodbye to someone else I love. When the time comes I will do my very best to remember that while I was praying for a miracle.... the Lord was already granting a miracle. God gave us a little more time. The hardest thing to do is pray for God's will and not my own. Today, I surrender my will.

It's still raining, yet I will praise HIM

It's been a rough week. Two hours after my last post we got a phone call that John's mom was in the ER. She had been feeling ill for a few days but hadn't told anyone. Without going in to graphic detail, I'll just say that she needed some major surgery. It was very tough on her, she has several other health issues. She has been in ICU at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota ever since. We are so far away. We have no choice but to wait and Pray and trust that God is in control. I know He has a perfect plan, but one of the hardest things in the world for me to do is just sit back and wait. Im the one that always has to have everything figured out. Its a real weakness in me.

My heart aches. I want to go home, but I have to let John make his own decision about a trip home, even if I dont agree with him.

My song of the hour........ by Mercy Me

"Bring The Rain"

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

What is going on??

For the past three days my heart has been so heavily burdened. Do you ever get the feeling that something just isnt "right"?? I can't put my finger on it, but I know a storm is brewing. I have cried all the way to work for the past three mornings. This is just not like me. I've been praying asking God to reveal whatever it is to me, but I guess its just not time yet. Life has been really hard for a while, but Im not complaining. I always hold on to the hope that God will bring me thru whatever he brings me to.
There is so much running through my mind right now, things I want to say, but I think I'll just stop and be quiet for a while. That is all.

Im Forgiven

I really really love the song called FORGIVEN by Sanctus Real.
The words in the ending bridge just speak to my Soul.
"When I dont measure up to much in this life.............
Im a treasure in the arms of Christ"

That really says it all doesnt it? Peace out :)
****************************
Here are all the lyrics.

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I'm reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life
I know what I've been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

I'm forgiven
I'm forgiven
And I dont have to carry
The weight of who I've been
Cause I'm forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind
And I'll relive my days, in the middle of the night
And I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

When I don’t fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ

Out with a bang! Well, Not exactly.

The End of the Year 2009 came and went with little to no fanfare at our home this year. We did not have friends over to celebrate, we had no fire works, no plans and made no resolutions.

We all just kind of hung out at home doing our own thing. I was reading. The guys were playing ps3, John & Autie were watching an "America's Funniest Videos" marathon. (side note...... why is that when someone's unfortunate mishap is caught on film, one in which they were obviously hurt, why is THAT FUNNY? Im sorry, maybe Im a minority, but I dont think human suffering in any way, shape or form is funny! vent over.)

Reflecting on 2009. It was a rather tough year both emotionally and financially. By mid December I was feeling a little bruised in Spirit, had let myself get run down and was fighting the chest cold crud that everyone else had. I found myself hibernating the last few days of the year. I used the time to pray more.

Like I mentioned earlier, I didnt make any resolutions for 2010. I saw no point. The definition of a New Year's resolution should read..... "An unrealistic promise made to one's self. Holding no credibility or consequence, as we have no one to hold us accountable if we fail".

Instead..... Im making a commitment to God. I will love more. I will give more. I will be more forgiving. I will judge less. I will want for less. I will pray more.
There is no way to fail. He is my strength. He will finish the good work He has started in me. :)