Guns & Guitars

I always knew that one day I would sit down and write a story about my dad. Seems fitting that it would be this evening.....The night before Thanksgiving.  I think Thanksgiving was one of my dad's
favorite holidays. I can remember so many evenings when I was growing up, evenings just  like this one, when the kitchen was warm and full of  delicious aromas as the adults began their baking and basting for the next day's celebration.


 My family had very humble beginnings, you can read that as "poor", it won't hurt my feelings. We were money poor, but rich in the important things.  We didn't have a lot of luxuries, but we had everything we needed.  My dad had the heart of a servant and he was generous with his affection and his time.


Each year, as an act of love, my dad would prepare the Thanksgiving meal.
Oh, I know  he had help with some of the details of the meal, but the bulk of it was prepared by his own hands. He would spend the evening browning sausage, celery and onions. He would prepare the bird with such care, then slow cook it all night. I would hear him get up a few times in the night to check on it, then I'd wake up the next morning to the most amazing smells coming from the kitchen. It smelled like love to me.  My dad worked long hard hours at a plant. He got very few days off, and even as a young child, I understood the sacrifice he was making to be on his feet all evening just to make something special for us.

My dad adored his family and he loved God. He loved church  and playing on the worship team.
Most of our extended family were musically  gifted and I have fond memories of gospel jam sessions following our holiday get togethers. When the food was done and everything was cleaned up and put away, my aunts and uncles would pull their instruments out of their trunks and we would hang out at grandma Pearl and grandpa Roy's house playing gospel music for hours.


It's no wonder Thanksgiving was one of my dad's favorite holidays.  Seems fitting that it was the last holiday we got to spend together as a family before God called him home all those years ago. Sitting here in my kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee (like dad would be doing), preparing for tomorrow's family gathering,.... My heart is full and   I'm thankful.

I'm thankful that my five kids and their loves and families live close enough that we all get to be together tomorrow. I'm thankful for large families, generational blessings and a loving Father.
I'm thankful for our first Grand baby this year.... He is named after you, dad.  Thanks for the love, the lessons, the legacy.


   Till we meet again Pop, I'm always gonna be your girl.

As the Deer

Why is it that the first few days following awesome breakthroughs and revelations from God..... I always seem kind of disconnected with everything around me and not quite satisfied with life as we know it?

Is it because I was made for something greater, and having a taste of God's greatness just makes the mediocre everyday things in life seem even more dull and unfulfilling?

Is this what is referred to as "spiritual hunger", or did God just awaken a new aspect of my spiritual being and slough off an aspect of my mortal nature? In the clash between two kingdoms, I understand that I am a supernatural being having an earthly experience, and it appears that I have crossed a threshold and tipped the scales on the balance I was once able to keep.

My imbalance is not a hinderance, but a measurement of growth. The journey will be complete, when I have been transformed from glory to glory so many times .....that there isn't even a shell of my old nature left to compare myself to.

Selah

The Ole Clunker

For the past couple of mornings I have allowed myself a few extra minutes to just sit and rest. Life has been a bit crazy and I've grown somewhat weary. I needed some time to regroup. In my humble opinion, there is virtually nothing that a great cup of coffee, a great view and an uninterrupted time with Papa can't cure.

I have a wonderful front deck with a view of the hills in front of my home. My deck faces east, the view is largely unobstructed and it is one of my favorite places to spend early mornings. The hills are mostly just overgrown and wild and beautiful. They make a gorgeous forefront when the sun is rising(see photo below).

In the twelve years I have lived here, I have never seen a vehicle of any sort traveling on these hills and there are no visible roads. So, imagine my surprise when I caught a glimpse of movement in the brush the other morning. It was so faint that I thought I was just seeing things. I kept watching, and low and behold there it was again. A little pale yellow blob moving slowly upward. I grabbed my binoculars and zeroed in. To my amusement, I discovered the cutest little beat up yellow truck I had ever seen. It looked about 50 years old and had several outward signs of wear and tear.

It is what we (in the auto repair business) would consider.........An Ole Clunker.

I watched as it moved at a steady pace... upward. Every once in a while, it would creep to a stop, roll backward about twenty feet, switch gears to move forward and gain momentum, and then plow through a rough spot in the road. I was so intrigued. I watched this little clunker repeat that process numerous times until it reached the top.

It was at that point that I just burst out laughing!

You see.......I'm like that Ole Clunker.

From the outside, that truck didn't look like much, but that old girl had some heart. Life hadn't always been kind to her but she took the obstacles as they came and determined in her heart that she would indeed reach her mark. It didn't matter if she had to take two steps forward and one step back. All upward movement is progress.

The past few weeks have been a series of minor setbacks for me. I've been dealing with situations that have been really hard not to take offense at. I reached a breaking point the other day and called my buddy for support. I was dealing with what I call an "oxygen sucker", you know, the people and situations that just suck all the oxygen out of the room? LOL

My buddy, my fellow warrior, I love her......... she said, "You were created to live in the high places of God, you're used to less oxygen, smile, you'll be fine!"

Have I mentioned lately how much I ADORE GOD?

I love that He created me and knows me intimately. I love that He knows just how to get my attention. I love the silly but profound visual aid He blessed me with last week.

Reminds me of an old 70's catch phrase......

Trucking For Jesus HA HA HA!

Oh yeah Baby.....I'm moving again.

Downsizing into my next Upgrade

What do you do when your best friend is going through something that will ultimately change the course of their life, and you find yourself completely unable to help them with it? When the news is so hard for them to wrap their head around, that they decide the easiest way to cope, is to pretend it isn't happening at all? When you are frustrated and hurt and getting angry isn't a good option? (you know this for a fact because you tried)

It is from that place of frustration that my upgrade began.

I apologized for my anger. I offered my suggestions. I gave permission for them to handle it their way.

I became quiet.........

quiet..........

quiet..........

Until one day, when my friend, my husband, gave me permission to speak about it.....

I'm sure by now most people know about our house being foreclosed. The sale is final. We are waiting for the bank to give us a moving day. in the mean time, the agent suggested that we stay on the premises. I think they like knowing someone is here so it is not vandalized before they can put it back on the market. (a blessing)

The thing most people do not know is that we were not caught off guard by any of this. (well, maybe a little. It did progress much faster than we anticipated) nevertheless, John and I put a lot of prayer and thought in to our decision to let the house go. We knew when John left his job last April that it was a pretty good possibility that we would no longer be able to pay our bills and our mortgage.

The other thing most people do not know is that John developed signs of Parkinson's a little more than a year ago, his job, with the stress and toxins he was subjected to seemed to make his symptoms worse. He also suffered a mild stroke. It seemed like the best decision for him to take some time to try to heal and recover and hope the symptoms got better.

Now here we are a year after his retirement and his symptoms are not better, in fact they are significantly worse. John didn't want anyone to know, but it has become obvious and folks have started asking questions, and John has said I can now tell people. .

So........

You're probably wondering how the heck the title of this blog even remotely ties in to the content.

Let me explain.....you see.....

The Lord is my comfort and my strength. When you are in the middle of what seems like a crisis, you learn real quick where your help comes from. You begin to understand what it truly means to abide in Christ. When you turn to the Lord absolutely broken and lay all your cares before the Throne Of Grace, God will step in and bring sweet communion. He draws so near that you can feel His tangible presence in your midst. There is nothing else like it.

And that my friends, is where John and I are abiding. We know that whatever adversity life brings us, God will make a way. We have no fear of the future. We continue to pray and absolutely trust God has this entire situation under control.

I am no longer a tourist.... but a traveler

I have been in a transitional period in my life and I feel like I have crossed a threshold of sorts. Whether this has happened in the natural yet... remains to be seen, but it has definitely happened in my mind. I'm ok with that, because I have found that the inner territory is the place I face the most resistance anyway. Maybe you can identify with that statement, or maybe I've just completely lost your interest, but I would like to share my thoughts either way.

I have discovered that I am no longer a tourist but a traveler in the Kingdom. Let me define that for you.

As a tourist, I would tend to go places that I had gone before, places that were somewhat familiar. I would often choose a destination that would allow me time to rest, regroup and refuel. I have a tendency to pack light, knowing that I can pick up any items that I may have forgotten once I arrive. I really love to plan vacations that take me away from everyday life and allow for times of refreshing.

But.....

As a traveler, I am joyfully partnering with Papa God, as He takes me on epic journeys to places I have never been, to see things I have never seen and to do things I have never done. I don't have to worry about what to pack, everything I need for the journey flows to me from Him.

He leads me with His voice and I need only to listen. He encourages me with His love and I need only to trust Him. My heart is filled with joyful anticipation. I do not need to know what is around the next bend in the road, I only need to feel His leading and keep traveling upward.

A spirit of refreshing goes before me and I will follow Him anywhere.

My Due North

I never really understood what some people were referring to when they taught about "alignment" with God. I mean, I understand what the definition of the word is, but I just couldn't wrap my head around the definition having anything to do with being a Christian. I had so many questions.What does it mean? What does it look like? How do I get there?

I love to listen to good Bible teachings. There are so many great ones available to us these days. We have an information highway at our fingertips. We can use a search engine to find scripture references, dream interpretation, the latest "buzz" in the church world. It's awesome, it's amazing and it's scary!

Not scary in a "boogeyman" kind of way, scary in a "I don't want to be deceived" kind of way. We have to make sure we don't take every teaching at face value. We need to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. We need to make sure we are following the right master's voice. I also think it's important that we don't label a move of God as bad just because it doesn't fall into the perimeters of our limited understanding.

I feel compelled to gently warn you here. We cannot take short cuts into maturity in Christ. We cannot ride on someone else's anointing. We cannot hitchhike on someone else's personal journey. We cannot be lazy about our pursuit of the One. We need to spend time in our sacred place on our face in prayer and thanksgiving with the one our soul longs for. When we spend personal time with God, we learn to know His voice. We must know that we know that we know the genuine Word of God rightly divided to be able to recognize the counterfeit ways of this present world.

SELAH

And now......the Bright side.

There are no shortcuts to maturity but there is Divine Acceleration. God can restore anything, including time, by bringing a spirit of acceleration into your life. (gratitude to Graham for the lesson)

We can't ride on someone else's anointing, but we can hang around with them. I've always taught my kids that, "you are who your friends are". Good or bad it's true. If you know someone who walks close to Papa and you see something in their lifestyle that honors Jesus, hang around with them. It will rub off on you.

You can't be a hitchhiker on someone else's journey, but you can be an invited guest. If you discover someone who's journey makes your heart yearn to walk a similar path, come alongside them and offer to serve with them. Help them. You may just discover that their path widens in areas and makes room for you to walk shoulder to shoulder with them for a while.

And finally, don't be lazy in your pursuit for more of God. Lose sleep, skip meals, cancel cable and simplify your life. Prune away anything that does not produce Godly fruit.

The adventure of a lifetime is yours for the asking. Find your Due North and let His light be reflected in you. Strap on your boots and pack light, because everything we need to live an overcoming life flows to us from Him.

His whisper is like the breeze.

As I reflect on my life, I realize that there has never been a time when The Father has not been right beside me. At a very early age, He was my comforter. I used to have terrible nightmares, and I can remember opening the Bible and laying it across my little five year old chest and falling asleep feeling His presence.

I used to talk to God as if He were in the same room. I saw Heavenly images. It wasn't until I was a few years older that I would "learn" that my perception of God was wrong. I don't know if I was taught directly or indirectly, but I learned that God was on His throne and far away. I learned that He was watching over us from a distance and that He expected and rewarded certain behaviors and punished others.

I wasn't taught or even encouraged to entertain the idea that God was with us, in us and for us. That religious mindset led me to many years of searching for God and then ultimately, to many years of running from His love.

Thankfully, my loving Papa God passionately pursued me. From one end of my rebellion to the other, He walked beside me, protected me and continued to love me.

Until one day, when He leaned in so close....so close, and I heard Him whisper in my ear. He said, "I'm still here. Nothing you have done has surprised me or caused me to turn away."

I WAS UNDONE.

Papa spoke straight in to my heart and with one sentence, He destroyed the work of the enemy. With one whisper he drew me in to the wilderness to seek Him and then He let me find Him.

I am smitten by the beauty of The King of Kings. I am my Beloved's and He is mine.

It's been a while.

I stumbled upon this old blog today and I can't help but to smile.

I read all of my past posts. I spent some time getting reacquainted with the person who sat at this computer more than two years ago, sharing the ramblings of my own mind. Some of the posts made me laugh, others made me cry. Many of them brought confirmation of growth. I am not the same person I was two years ago. (Thank you Jesus)

I feel like I have emerged from the wilderness. I have a new understanding of who I am in Christ. Papa God has kept me hidden and quiet. It has been wonderful, and I am emerging with a new lens and a new voice.

Life is a sweet dance with the lover of my soul. I am really looking forward to this next season of adventure. I don't know where the path is going, I've walked to the edge of my map (thank you Graham Cooke for that perspective and teaching). I am at peace, at rest and at the same time filled with expectation. I am joyful, hopeful and have my eye on the horizon. I will try to remember to wander back here once in a while so I can describe the landscape.

God is so good. His plans for us are good. He loves us so completely. Ponder that and let it fill you.

Blessings.

Let your light shine

For the past few weeks I have been kinda stuck on the subject of being a light to the people in your life. Im not talking about a responsibilty to carry the love of God to the lost and hurting (which is crucial), Im talking more about the condition of our hearts that just lays a burden on us for our fellow man. Im talking about seeing people through the loving eyes of our Heavenly Father who's will is that none should perish. Im talking about loving our neighbor as ourselves (easier said than done sometimes). Im talking about getting personal and realizing that GOD loves every single human being (no matter how unlovely, no matter what they have done or where they are) to the same extent and with the same passion as the most devote Christian. The bible says in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 1. But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3. without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4. treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5. having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. My friends, there is coming a day when gross darkness will cover the earth, but In Christ, we have nothing to fear. As the earth gets darker the light in us will get brighter. Have you ever tried to cover a light bulb and hide its light? Its very difficult to do, no matter how you try, some glimpse of light still escapes. Have you ever been in total darkness, like in a power outage and struck a single match? The light from a single flame can illuminate an entire area. When light shines, darkness can not cover it. I for one will not fear the darkness. Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. View everyone through the lens of the love of the Father and "find the gold" in everyone. May the Lord bless you and give you strength and joy. Keep your love on..........

The Line in the Sand....

Two weeks ago I went up to the top of Neahkanie Mountain at sunrise. All the way there I was being led by the moon, it seemed to follow along in the sky and was always before me on the 25 minute drive, thru each turn and twist. Its was kind of odd. Only the last sliver of moon was visible and the Lord told me that it was marking the end of a season. And Just like the moon in this phase, This season of life is being phased out too, from this point it was going to be made new. It was so cool. I wasnt quite sure what I was going to do when I got to the top of the mountain. I took my paint and a canvas and was asking God what He wanted me to paint. I just kept feeling that whatever it was I painted would have a bright line across the middle of it ..... together we were going to be drawing a line in the sand from the past to the future. Well, we got to the mountain and I felt led to read the beatitudes outloud. It was very warm up there and an uncharacteristically warm breeze was blowing. I annointed us with Ketubah oil (sign of the covenant) just a touch on our foreheads. We started praying for our region, for relationships to be restored. All relationships- parent/children, fellow believers divided by religion, husband/wife, our convenant relationship with God, just all relationships and then we released blessing over the region. During this whole time we were playing worship music then at sunrise we blew the Shofar. At that moment the music spoke of Gods presence drawing near and a cold breeze came up from below and swirled completely around us and a sweet fragrance just filled the entire area. I got in my car, drove down the mountain, and a jet had drawn a HUGE line across the Eastern sky. It went from as far as the eye could see end to end. The sunrise was behind it and was making the line glow white, hot pink and firey orange. I told my friend about the line in the sand I felt the Lord spoke to me earlier. An hour later, I pulled into work. I had been listening to a teaching cd about prayer and such..... I had never heard any of the teaching before but it began with the teacher saying....."God has just drawn a line in the sand!" I was cracking up. I just feel like Something has been broken wide open in the atmosphere.

Who do I think I am?

So......I have all this dialogue running around in my head these days. Im like a walking contradiction.

I know who I am! I am a chosen daughter of the most high God. I have been bought and paid for with the highest ransom. I have an inheritance that can not be taken from me. I have security in God, He is my hope and my future. Dude! I got it all!

Then....daily struggles come knocking. Satan....the ultimate liar..... tells me that Im just a worm. I am a nothing, a nobody. God isnt going to come running to my rescue again! Im in the situation that I am in because of my own screw ups and God doesnt have time for my screw ups. It sounds logical, I mean, God gives me every opportunity, and in my flesh I make some good decisions and some not so good decisions.

I get it, I am a screwed up worm.

The minute I believe that.........the enemy....Satan, smiles and slithers away and probably thinks......."wow that was easy. All her life she has believed that she was lacking, not good enough, less lovely...... If I can keep her believing that, I can stop her from walking in fullness."

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!!

That is satan's mission in life. He slithers around, spitting lies, trying to kill our spirit, trying to steal our joy and trying to destroy our outlook. Dont believe him!

God has a plan and purpose for every single one of us. I was created to do something in God's kingdom that only I can do. Every single moment of my life was part of a greater plan, put in place by God, so that I could do what only I can do.

The glorious truth is that I have been made new in Christ and He will finish the good work He started in me. I have come to truly understand that when God said He would never leave me or forsake me.......He ment it.

I am His chosen. I am His beloved and He is mine. He wants you too. God does not care where you have been or what you have done. His will is that none should perish. If you want to know how you can obtain the free gift of His salvation just ask me, Id love to tell you about it.

Shalom

To everything turn, turn, turn.....there is a season....... turn, turn, turn...

The Lord has revealed to me that we are entering a new season and I am not talking about the weather!

I believe that we are entering a season in which we are going to see the awesome power of our Lord and saviour poured out on all who wish to attain a greater walk with Him.

"We have not because we ask not". If you want IT, ask for IT.

Our father loves it when we ask for more of HIM and He gives freely.

Matthew 7:7&8
Have a blessed day.

Where to begin.....

Life has been wonderfully busy for the past several months. To tell you the truth, I kind of forgot about blogging really.

We just got home from a wonderful trip back to John's childhood home, Stewartville Minnesota. I grew up in California and we moved a lot! I don't have any real roots and I have no place that I refer to as "home", so going back to Stewartville is always a special treat for me. I refer to it as "My Mayberry".

I love it there! I love that no matter how long it has been since our last visit, when we all get together, the time and distance melts away and it is as if we were never gone.

I wrote a short story about the place several years ago, as a gift to my mother and father in-law. Maybe I will share it here someday.

Random thought.......... there are only 51 shopping days left until Christmas!
I think I will leave you with that. HA!

Where have I been?

Time keeps on slippin' slippin' slippin' into the future..............

I can hardly believe that winter is nearly behind us. It is the time of year that I dislike the most. I dont dislike all of the elements of winter. I mean, I love to celebrate Christmas and Our Lord's Birth. I love to storm watch. I love to spend lazy rainy Saturday afternoons cuddled up with a good book, but as a whole, I dislike how long winter seems to hang around and I dislike the lack of sunshine and warmth.

Im excited that we get to change the clocks this weekend because it marks the beginning of the end of WINTER! yeah!!

May God Bless you and keep you. Happy almost SPRING!

NO Resolutions

I wont bore you with my rant on New Year's Resolution here again this year. I think I covered it fully last year at this time. I dont make resolutions, I find it pointless.

I was listening to KLOVE yesterday, however, and they had a great alternative to making New Year's Resolutions and I'm gonna give it a go. They encouraged everyone to pick one single word. It can be anything. The goal is to start each day with the word on your mind and find a way to make it relevant throughout the day. "A word to live by" sorta speak. After pondering that concept for a while, I came up with my word. It will be "HOLY". In all that I do, all that I speak and all of my thoughts I will strive to be more Holy.

Im not saying that until now I havent tried to be holy, but lets face it, life happens and with all the distractions its very easy to put God on the back burner some days. Im gonna strive NOT to do that.

Anyone want to join me? What would you choose for your word?
Have Blessed New Year.

Remembering.......

It's that time of year again when we take a few moments to let the people in our lives know just how much they mean to us by adding a hand written note to all our Christmas cards. As John and I sat down to work on them this evening, it was a subtle reminder that his mom will be celebrating her first Christmas in Heaven this year. As happy as I am for her, I am equally saddened for all of us.

We miss her so very much. Then I started looking through old photos and found this one of Gramma J and Autie. It's one of my favorites. It made me smile so Im posting it here. Im going to do my very best to carry that smile with me in the coming weeks. I can smile because I know there is a hope and a future in Christ.

Im so anxious for the Lord's return. I long for the day when we see Jesus face to face and can be reunited with all the people we love who made it home before us.

New York

Of all the photos that I took in New York last month, this one makes me laugh the most. We were thawing out in the restroom of all places at the Waldorf Astoria. We had checked out of our room and taken a 3 hour city tour on the top of a double decker bus. It was COLD! We met back at the hotel and had a little time to kill before our shuttle picked us up to take us to the airport. We found ourselves in the restroom. It had a lovely sitting area, it was warm and the chairs were so comfy. This is Belen and Autumn making faces in the mirror and I just happened to catch them off guard from the upper level behind their chairs. Definitely a kodak moment. ha ha

Genesis 1:1

Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

What an awesome weekend!

This weekend I went to the Women of Faith Conference in Portland. It always suprises me how much I get out of those gatherings, and this year was no exception.

I was especially thankful for the presentation given by Marcus Buckingham. He wrote a book called "Find Your Strongest Life". In a nutshell, he has catagorized our God given strengths to help us learn what role we were born to play and how we can honor what is true about ourselves. He went on to tell us to stop striving for BALANCE but rather to strive for FULLNESS. That was the "lightbulb" moment for me.

It was so liberating to hear this guy tell us that we arent all wired the same, that we were all created to fullfill a different purpose and that was God's plan all along so that we would like.....need each other. I know that some of you are thinking, well DUH!!! I know, I know... we've heard this theory more than once, but I've never heard this message in a more tangible way and given tools to examine myself to find out what my strengths really are.

It's so easy for me to spend a little time with someone and realize exactly what their strengths are, but it's been near impossible for me to realize my own. SO here is a little truth about me. Loving people comes easily for me (most of the time). I mean really caring for them, right where they are, all the bad with the good. I believe that God brings people into my life one at a time and allows me to make a difference by showing them a glimpse of God's love. There have been times when I have had to defend myself for not being the kind of person who can engage in conversation with a large group of people. Im NOT a mingler, I can actually feel my palms get sweaty when fellowship time comes around and I am expected to get up and chit chat with people and I have felt really bad about that.

How can I stand in front of hundreds of people and sing, yet I can not walk up to a stranger or even an acquaintance and think of one single thing to strike up a conversation with. How come my husband can walk up to someone and ease into a conversation about absolutely nothing that last for 30 minutes?? This is not a gender thing, this is a God thing!

I yam what I yam and Im really looking forward to reading Marcus' book and finding out how I can use my strengths to further God's kingdom.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...........

I bet you thought this post was going to be about Christmas didn't you? ha ha ha gotcha.

Truth is Fall has always been my favorite time of the year. I love the cool mornings and the warm afternoons. The sunsets this time of year are breathtaking! The harvest moon (aka The month of September's full moon) looks like you can just reach up and touch it.

I love that the tourists all GO HOME in September and that the kids go back to school. I even love the annual trip to the city to buy school clothes. This year, however, Im loving that I dont HAVE to buy school clothes. All four of my sons are now high school graduates and my darling Autie-pooh will continue to be home schooled. Forever. :)

I've been getting up an hour before the alarm the past few weeks and enjoying my cup of coffee instead of slamming it down on my way to work. It taste so much better when you can savor it. Note to self...... slow down and savor more than just your coffee. Life is sweet, my family is precious and God is good. Need I say more?